Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize