we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
