I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize