What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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