there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Randomize
