$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
