I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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