Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
