You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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