That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
