Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
