absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
