All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Randomize
