I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
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