so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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