You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
