I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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