He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize