he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
