Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
