Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
