ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
