if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I'm getting married
To pizza
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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