A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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