Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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