we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
