Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Randomize
