dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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