my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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