This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
In the future we'll all be gay
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
