he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
