Your mouth is God's brothel.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
