I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Randomize
