I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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