I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
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