We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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