the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
