I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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