Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
