i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Did I show you my penis last night?
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize