it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize