So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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