he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
