Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
