I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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