If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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