Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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