So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
