she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
