i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I cut my penus on the lid.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
