Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
