He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
