Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I touched a dick in church today
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
