i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
