Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
The air was thick with penises
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
