Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Randomize
