my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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