Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
