PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
