SEEEEXXX PLEASE
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
