So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
