I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
