Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
