Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
