Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
i now understand why vodka
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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