Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
time to smoke my breakfast
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
