I think im going to throw up on grandma
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
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